| Who | Quote | References | |
|---|
 Adam Foster | |
| It's subjective but not that bloody subjective | |  |
| Albert Einstein | |
| Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving | | |
| Alex James | |
| Food is one of life's really great pleasures. My 20th birthday party was all about booze, my 30th birthday was about drugs, and now I realise that my 40s are about food. It's something you appreciate more and more as you get older. | | |
| anon | |
| fail to prepare and prepare to fail | | |
| A. A. Gill | |
| The rule with snails is: Don’t eat one you couldn’t get up your nose. | | |
| Barry Humphries | |
| If you have to explain satire to someone, you might as well give up. | | |
| Ben Hogan | |
| Well, the more I practice, the luckier I get. | | |
| Bob Hope | |
| She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction | | |
| Cecil B. deMille | |
| It is impossible for us to break the law, only to break ourselves against the law | | |
| Daley Thompson | |
| it doesn't matter what I eat I'll just burn it off | | |
| Dame Edna Everidge | |
| If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century | | |
| Dave at Orion | |
| Better to be over dressed than over looked | | |
| David Brent | |
| Assume and you make an Ass out of you and me | | |
| David Mulvey | |
| In the land of the blind the one eyed monster is king | | |
| Geoffery Boycott | |
| More brains in a pork pie | | |
| Ghostlight | |
| Thicker than a whale omelette | | |
| Groucho Marx | |
| I never forget a face but in your case i will make an exception | | |
| Heather Arrowsmith | |
| I always love useless presents, but I can never think of anything useless that I really need. | | |
| Ian Holloway | |
| I love Blackpool, we are very similar. We both look better in the dark! | | |
| England were so boring that I went on eBay to buy a table! | | |
| Isaac Asimov | |
| Congratulations on the new library, because it isn't just a library. It is a space ship that will take you to the farthest reaches of the Universe, a time machine that will take you to the far past and the far future, a teacher that knows more than any human being, a friend that will amuse you and console you---and most of all, a gateway, to a better and happier and more useful life. | | |
| James Corden | |
| I only go out to meet someone to stay in with | | |
| James Trusler | |
| Why are Hot Cross Buns so nice? It's like Madonna jumped in my mouth and had a party | | |
| Maybe the England team shuld try substituting Beckham with alcohol | | |
| I don't like this song, it makes me feel sick. | | |
| Lesley Nielsen | |
| Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. | | |
| Leslie Nielsen | |
| It looks like the cows have come home to roost | | |
| Lord Alan Sugar | |
| I have read all your CVs and on paper you all look very good. But then again so does fish and chips | | |
| Mae West | |
| Better to be looked over than overlooked | | |
| Mahatma Gandhi | |
| An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind | | |
| Malcolm in the Middle | |
| MOM is an upside down WOW | | |
| Malcolm Muggeridge | |
| only dead fish swim with the stream | | |
| Mark Twain | |
| I have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened. | | |
| If I would have had more time, I would have written you a shorter letter. | | |
| SlartiBartFast | |
| Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day. | | |
| SnowyTheRabbit | |
| Management consultants borrow your watch then charge you to tell you the time | | |
| somebody | |
| Learn from the mistakes of others. Don't try to do them all yourself, you'll never live long enough. | | |
| Suggs | |
| There is no justice, just us | | |
| Thomas Jefferson | |
| I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. | | |
| Tim O'Reilly | |
| my problem isn’t piracy, it’s obscurity | | |
| Tiny | |
| I love Thursday nights... the start of Fridays | | |
| Tony Curtis | |
| Never be seen with a woman old enough to be your wife | | |
| Winston Churchill | |
| The nation had the lion's heart. I had the luck to give the roar | | |